Here is a question we received from a follower on the EFA Facebook page: How to measure emotional fitness?
Emotional fitness is not something you measure in points, grades, numbers etc. It is something you feel and others can observe. It is not much different than physical fitness in that matter. If you are physically fit, you feel good and healthy. You don’t suffocate for 10 minutes after running to catch a bus and others compliment on your lean or muscular figure. The same is with emotional fitness. To simplify it, you are either feeling up or feeling down. You are either feeling good or you are feeling bad, but there is whole range of feeling good or bad, rather than a limit or boundary. There is also neutral, which is a feeling that you are absolutely fine and so is everything. There is nothing pulling your feelings in either direction out of this neutral, balanced state. I would call this state “peaceful contentment”, which is just as good as feeling good. Life is not meant to be intellectualised, measured or calculated. It is meant to be experienced. Once you are feeling good, you become more intuitive and more interested in taking actions that will help you to take charge of how you feel. When you take charge of how you feel you are in control of your emotions, not them in control of you. You can then transform your mood at will from feeling down to feeling good or at least lift it to neutral, peaceful contentment. You can simply make yourself feel better within minutes and make your life and interactions so much easier and pleasant, no matter what your situation is.
Can you score it?
Measuring how emotionally fit you are is not like a point system where a score of 20 to 40 is considered low, and scoring 80 to 100 means you have good emotional fitness. You cannot approach emotional fitness like that and judge it by how your life looks on the outside. It is more like asking yourself if you are grumpy? Have you ever heard anybody saying ‘I am a grumpy person’? Even if you can be honest with yourself, you may not be aware of certain aspects. That’s why it is better to check this out with other people rather than just with yourself. You may think and feel that you are okay, but when somebody takes a photo of you, it turns out that you have a frown on your face all the time.
How are you dealing with challenges of everyday life? Do you also carry a frown for the entire eight hours at your job? When you get home from work, are you snapping at your spouse for any small reason? Are you at work unhappy and frustrated towards customers, clients or whoever you are dealing with?
How you think and behave towards others is based on how you feel on the inside, and it is not something to measure or calculate. It is about feeling, listening, empathising, supporting, not measuring. You know you are emotionally fit, when you have meaningful, peaceful, supportive, mutually respectful relationships with people.
When you find yourself in challenging circumstances what is the first thing you do? Do you go into some destructive habits like reaching for alcohol and getting drunk or other forms of numbing yourself, or do you solve the problem in a constructive, healthy way? Can you turn a challenge or even a hopeless situation into a growth opportunity and move on in life wiser and stronger? These are signs to indicate whether you are emotionally fit or not.
P.S If you want to improve your emotional fitness, you can get the Emotional Fitness: 30-Day Guide, to begin going through the menu of 30 topics to achieve and maintain emotional fitness. After completing the guide, you will have your favourite ways to give you a boost and sustain a good mood that you can include in your daily routine.